On being hated

"If no one hates you, you are not trying hard enough."


Perhaps there are people innocuous enough that, even when they are being completely themselves, they inspire no dislike, let alone hatred, in anyone else. But, I doubt it. My experience is that humans are so eccentric, diverse, unique, and crazy that when any one of us is completely ourselves, we will induce the full range of emotional reactions in others. Some will love us, some will hate us, and every other reaction in between.

What happens most of the time is that most of us hold back part of ourselves. We don't tell our whole truth. We don't take actions that those around us might judge. We filter ourselves. We pre-judge our actions by the standards of those around us. We don't say what we really want to say because of who is present in the room with us. We don't take risks, don't reach out, and don't call people on their shit.

When you meet someone who works outside those rules, someone who will not go along to get along, we tend to have a reaction. We love them or hate them. I am not perfectly free. I restrain myself in certain situations, but I probably express my true self more than most. As a result, I have my fans and my detractors. I have no problems with being hated. In fact, if I hear that someone really dislikes me, I figure I have managed to be truly myself with them. I feel the same way when someone I have only spent a little time with tells me or someone else that they really like me. Being hated is not a bad thing.

What sometimes confuses me is when someone I love being with is disliked by people who like me or vice versa. For example, I have a very theatrical friend who I love (and completely see myself in) who is disliked by a number of my other friends. I just can't see how my friends can like my "theatrical-ness", but dislike his. In another example, I am one of the most stubborn people I know, but I do have a friend who I think is perhaps even more stubborn than me. And, again it confuses me when our mutual acquaintances will feel one way about my stubbornness and the opposite about his, i.e., really like one of us and really dislike the other.

Though, there is perhaps a way in which I am perhaps particularly eccentric and that is that I don't mind at all being around people who hate me. If fact, I kind of enjoy it, because it is never clear whether they will decide to maintain the societal norms and be nice - or just break out the crazy. Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer - and frienemies are just their own thing all together.