Water from another time

Water from another time…


What is the story that you tell yourself about your own life? What is your narrative? Does your story create your Self or does your Self create your story?

Kurt Lewin said that each time we act (think, speak, move, etc.), we are creating that act in that moment. He calls this contemporaneous causation. There can be no decisions for all time. According to Lewin, you are not an out-going person; you are a person who has chosen to be out-going at numerous instances in the past. Your future choices are yet undecided. Our choices are determined by all of the factors that surround and infuse us – historical/political situation, friendship groups, work place, financial considerations, physical surroundings, sexual desires, hungers, etc. He calls all of these factors together the “LifeSpace”. One of the most powerful factors in our LifeSpace is our past choices and how we frame them. Because if we frame our life up until now as good, positive, successful, promoting growth – well, then, our past choices must have been good as well. So, to make a new choice negates our self-concept. So, we make the same choice that we always make (not even considering it as a choice). The good news is you can make new choices; the bad news is the effort required can be enormous.


Old water pumps needed to be primed to operate. Without some water left over from the previous pumping, the pump will not work. Our lives require some water from another time as well. We use our stories of the past to validate our present and to aid us in making new choices. We tell the stories that match who we want to become and forget the ones that don’t. A friend has described many of my stories as having this theme, “There is some situation where some people didn’t think Steve belonged, but Steve shows them that he has a right to be in that situation more than most” - basically, a tale of rejection to acceptance. What am I telling myself? Where do I want to be accepted? Why is this the water I bring from another time to recreate myself here and now? A statement from another friend that I was ‘quite the social butterfly.’ And, I guess between dates and parties and , I can see what she meant. But, from my perspective I spend much more time alone that I have in the past. (Not lonely, but alone.)

In Israel I met a Holocaust survivor, the only Jew from her small village to survive the war. The mutual friend that introduced us told me, “She carries the people from that village with her wherever she goes.” How could she ever be lonely? Some days, I feel my own village embracing me. Grandparents, uncles, aunts, parents, friends, brothers/lovers - so many are gone, but always with me. They are my water from another time.